Friday, May 27, 2011

Wants, needs, must have, or any other words similar

Have you ever have the feelings of having something or someone so badly?
So bad till you can't sleep at nite? Day or nite, it goes round and round and round in your mind?
When it's actually so near, yet still so far out of reach.

I don't know who to talk to anymore. I don't fell like talking to anyone at all. It feel's good to write it out loud. I think God is angry at me. I feel.

What I desire could it also be what my heart desire. I don't know. I THINK I'M GOING CRAZY.
What I used to enjoy doing, it's totally the opposite now. A year ago I am myself, but now I dont even know who am I. It's still too far away from "MID-LIFE CRYSIS". I had anger management issue but I think I'm doing great so far. But sometimes I really need to let it go. But I can never find the perfect output or even a proper output to all of this.

What could you possibly desire when you already have everything? Going crazy over something that will never happen the way it supposed to be. Gosh.. What else can I say?
I rest my case.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Something happen in the car yesterday. Something awesome. Yes, it's exactly like what you think.

Well, was not feeling well for several days now. Still in dilemma of I should say Hi to my doctor.
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Sunday, April 17, 2011

We are who we are.

Thing that we do in the past will reflect the current life. But who cares. Nothing I do can change what has happen in the past.

Love love love.
It's fun but always full of pain. It will make u high, also will make you die.

If only things was different in many way. My life will be much more awesome with you around.

I feel like driving. Somewhere far, somewhere I'm unfamiliar, I wanna drive fast, I wanna be just by myself. I'm tired to talk, I refuse to smile, I just want to do something stupid nd feel good about it now.
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Friday, March 18, 2011

How would you feel?

Feelings. It's in everyone of us. Something we cannot avoid or deny.
Feelings also know as emotions. We all have so many kind of emotions and feelings that is difficult to explain or describe in words.

I have this feelings on and off. There are times when I do not know if it is needs, wants, dreams, crave or lost. I can't describe nor even categorize 'em. I'm confused with all of this. Taking action to determined the emotions inside is crucial. On the other hand it's tough as hell.

There are things in that I managed to handle and yet there are plenty that is left floating in my mind. It just don't and won't work. Maybe it is meant to be this way. Maybe this is what I make believe that it will remain this way forever.

I felt so down low at times randomly. But sometimes I felt so happy suddenly even nothing special happens in life. Am I sick? Or is it the sudden changes in life that I can't accept yet?
Refuse to accept or force self to remain in the State of Denial. I've been craving for so many things in life before this and I owned most of them now. I feel good about that. When it comes to certain things in life that I can't have no matter how hard I try it just kills everything. Especially when all of 'em just lingers in my mind.


Shout out for help. Will there be an answer to all of this?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

It's been so long

There goes. It has been more than a year a go since my last post. Blogging is something that I don't think will last long for me. I don't know how. I till I will blog more now often then before because I can do it on my Sexy Droids. Wheee.. Tashkani there is apps for blogger and that's awesome.

Last year was kinda tough somehow. Everything seems to be in place but I was then to find out later that all falls apart each time when it started to grow. If life is like how I wanted it to be, then I will be long gone before time as the force of destructive nature is so strong. Well I survived another year with more awesome one to come this year.

Had dinner with my family on th 14th which was my birthday. Enjoy the dinner a lot as the food at Pangkor Village was awesome. That day itself was awesome and still are now. I hope that the awesome aura will stay for a very long time. Everything goes along the way where it is meant to be. And the best part of it, I can see it coming right before it happens. (I have six sense. WTF!) Had a dream that nite. It was my daddy. I cried in my dreams and woke up to realize that I really cried for real. I miss him so much and time can never heal the scars or take away my memory. Nothing to describe nor replace how much I miss you daddy. If only I can see you one more time, I will be the happiest person to ever live. I think everyone has forgotten about you and moved on with their life. On the bright side everyone is happy. Mom's is doing great and got promoted to high level position is less than a year. She's doing well and happy now. Your son me is also awesome like that followed by Leon. There are so many things I want to tell you and wish you can hear me. Life was never the same since the day you left me.

Been really with work lately. Don't have much time for myself. Especially when I need to cope up with work and other schedule. I'm still trying to maintain balance in every aspect possible. Learn tonnes of new things. I always believe in myself and I always think I can conquer the world just like that. I don't think that is possible now and I am not saying I'm incapable or confidence to do that. Just to realize that my knowledge and so many other factors to consider. Will strive for the best possible achievement before I turn 25 next year.

Next achievement for 2012.
1. Close a deal with major corporation with estimated contract sum over 6million.
2. Focused on major aspect to become the next generation successor
3. Get my new VW GTI
4. The rest is history.

I don't and I wont want to think of any other stuff besides the above. This is not the life that I want. I told myself that sometime ago. I know I have the ability to achieve what I want in life. Anything that is bad for me I will turn my back and leave. If it is good for me, I will treasure it. If it has potential, I will chase after it. If it messes with me, I will turn my back with no regrets. What is your greatest fear? To live with somethings from the past that I wish to take the right turn rather than the left turn.